A Reconciling Conversation

On Sunday following worship with the congregation of Chestnut UMC, we're gathering for a "Reconciling Conversation" -- the first step in a process as we consider a proposal to join the Reconciling Ministries Network and declare ourselves a fully inclusive church, particularly in welcoming the gay and lesbian community.

This process was initiated by a conversation at a visioning gathering that we held last month. At that time, with unanimous approval and enthusiastic support from everyone in the room, one of the goals we set was to pursue becoming a Reconciling Congregation. I'm looking forward to this first conversation with a widened circle, and whatever the outcome, I'm praying the process will be prayerful, respectful, and Spirit-led.

A couple of weeks ago, Sara and I had an opportunity to participate in an event at Portland High School sponsored by a student group called the Gay-Straight Alliance, affiliated with the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network. The event, called "Claiming our Sexuality and our Spirituality," brought together students, adults, and leaders of faith communities for sacred conversation. Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire (a truly amazing person!) was the keynote speaker, and then each of us spoke briefly about our faith traditions, extending a welcome to the students in the room, whatever their sexual identities. Then students were invited to circulate among the room to talk, ask questions, and make connections. Sara and I felt honored to be there. (See Sara's post, "A Sacred Night.")

When the advisor for the sponsoring group called, she said, "The most commonly asked question when I'm alone with a student is, 'Does God hate me?'" She said, "It breaks my heart every time I hear a student ask that."

I think it breaks God's heart, too.

So please, dear readers, join me if you will, in praying for the church -- the church I serve in particular as we engage in this process, if you'd like, but more specifically for the church universal, that we might more faithfully communicate the all-embracing, all-inclusive, full-of-grace and longing-for-relationship, reconciling love of God to those who feel like God must hate them because of who they are. They are everywhere, and they are beloved children of God, our brothers and sisters.

Young adults express their thoughts about church

I recently received a message through facebook from a former student. (Some of you may be surprised to learn I was a high school English teacher for four years between undergrad and seminary.) He had read this article about our work with Chestnut United Methodist Church and New Light, which was recently published by The United Methodist Reporter -- first in their online version, The United Methodist Portal, and soon to be published in their print version, in the October 31 issue.

Here's the message I received, and my response. It seems to me this is a very typical perspective of young adults.

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The message:

Hi, Allen -

I read the article about the great work that you and Sara are doing, and I have to say, you never cease to amaze me! This is so right up your alley, it sounds like year 'round Camp Mechuwana for adults!

As a new father, faith has been on my mind a lot lately. Although I have not been a part of institutional christianity for over 10 years, I really began to understand after meeting with the pastor who married us last year how I live my faith and spirituality on my sleeves each day. The compassionate work, respect for human life and even fellowship that I have participated in through the [nonprofit organization he works for] over the years is quite comparable to the work of New Light.

Although we are not churchgoers, [wife] and I have made the decision to have [new baby son] baptized by the church where she grew up, which happens to be Lutheran (the same church that married us). I have felt somewhat conflicted as I feel that I live my life in the ideals of the Judeo-Christian model, and intend to pass these ideals on to my son, but have a lingering mistrust of conventional Christianity institutions.

I find it encouraging to know that there are progressive faith communities out there appealing to a new generation of compassionate people. I wish you and Sara continued success in your ministry.

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My response:

[Name], you are just too cool. And I think what you said could be echoed by millions of young adults, Sara and I included (although whether I'm still considered young is debatable). We were meeting with this couple the other day, and they asked, "What made you want to do this?" The best answer I could come up with was "dissatisfaction with the church." And I'm a pastor! I've devoted my life to this work. What does that say?

I totally get where you're coming from, and you and [wife] are the kind of people we're connecting with in Portland -- people who either have no church experience but feel a nudge to explore Christian spirituality, or who grew up in the church and became disillusioned, or who've been wounded by the institutional/conservative church in the past (and there are many of those). We're trying to offer something that's totally different -- an experience of church that's not about maintaining an institution, that's not about showing up for the weekly event one hour on Sundays, that's all about building community and making a difference in the world.

I think the work you're doing with [nonprofit organization] (which I'd like to hear more about, by the way) connects very well with the ideals we're trying to cultivate and nurture. I think it's awesome that you're doing that.

I don't know much about what's happening in [your state], but I do know that communities like the one we're creating here in Portland are popping up all over the country -- a "postmodern" response to that mistrust of conventional Christian institutions that you talked about. Often these communities are connected with a loose, grass-roots, organic network called "emerging church," and often they are socially progressive (as we are); but because it's such an organic movement, nothing can be said universally. Anyway, if I hear of anything happening in your area, I'll let you know. At some point in your life, you may feel like you want to explore church more deeply, if you could find one that's the right fit.

In the meantime... hey, it's great to be reconnected. Facebook is awesome for that. Congratulations, again! Fatherhood is pretty amazing, isn't it? Keep in touch, and make sure you let me know if you're ever back in Maine.

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What do you think about this message and my response?

Notes from Orlando, Day Three

Wow! Today was the best day by far. Honestly, some parts of the School of Congregational Development have been a bit disappointing, because I feel like a lot of what we're receiving is based on an older model of congregational development that isn't likely to engage younger generations or those in progressive cultures like Portland -- but today was really good.

First, we heard from Carol Howard Merritt, a young Presbyterian pastor from Washington, D.C. and author of The Tribal Church: Ministering to the Missing Generation. She started out by telling a story about one of her parishioners, a member of the church council (or whatever they call the governing board in Presbyterian churches) who arrived late for a meeting, apologized for her tardiness, and explained that she'd run into a friend on the way there. When it accidentally slipped out that she was on her way to church, she'd felt the need to explain... to clarify... "No! It's not what you think it is! My church isn't like that!" And Carol confessed she finds herself doing the same thing, all the time, when people learn that she's a pastor.

Oh, man! Does that sound familiar?!

"Yes, I'm a pastor, but it's not like that! My church isn't what you think it is. We believe in peace and work for justice, and we don't reduce faith to moralisms, and we aren't homophobic or sexist or narrow-minded, and we don't think you have to be a Republican to follow Jesus!"

Yes, all too familiar!

"Church can be very scary," Carol says. "If you go to church and you still dare to admit it, you have some explaining to do."

As a young adult in ministry (although getting less young all the time, I must confess: I turn 38 tomorrow!), I found it fascinating to hear Carol's presentation. So much of it rang true, from my experience, both personally and with others from my generation. A few things to hold onto:

• Six million people who used to go to church no longer do -- they're under age 45. They are "The Missing Generation." Six million!
• Too often, we in the church think in terms of life cycles. We celebrate a child's baptism, we raise them in Sunday School, and we celebrate a big "graduation" when they complete confirmation. Then we send them off, expecting they'll come back when they have kids of their own. Then we plan ministries for Mom-and-Dad-and-the-kids, but we don't offer much for those in between. The problem is, only 25% of households have Mom and Dad and kids. 51% of women in our society aren't married. When the single young adult comes to worship for the first time, the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) message we convey is, "You are not what we're looking for."
• Misunderstandings about young adults:
  - Employment: that young adults quit their jobs if they don't fit in with their yoga schedules. Truth: many, many young adults are in temporary employment because it's the only work they can get. They work long hours, and their productivity is higher than previous generations. Because they're in temp jobs, they have few benefits, and they are often the first to be laid off. 30% of people ages 19-29 have no health insurance -- particularly troubling when you remember that this is the time period when people have typically had babies... today many young adults can't even get a doctor's appointment!
  - Finances: that young adults prefer to "mooch" off their parents. Truth: young adults find themselves in terrible financial hardship because of the tragic combination of enormous student loans, the high cost of housing (particularly in urban areas, where young adults can find work), and stagnant wages. She described college students with whom she works who hold down four jobs while taking a full course load, and then celebrate that they've been able to keep their student loans to $50,000.
  - Commitments: that young adults are "commitment-phobic." Truth: marriage rates are lower (often because of financial insecurity), but among young adults who are married, divorce rates are lower, too. And commitment to a job can't be measured fairly, since so many young adults find themselves forced to work temp jobs.
• Young adults aren't looking for entertainment in church: they find contemplative prayer and labyrinths to be incredibly engaging. Often the parts of worship that appeal most to this generation are times of silence.
• Gen X (ages 25-45) is the most innovative generation ever in our nation. Young adults are eager to start new things. Gen Y (under age 25) is huge -- bigger, Carol says, than the Baby Boomer generation. At the same time, Gen Y is more institutionally minded than Gen X. So what if, she asks -- what if we allowed Gen X to develop new communities of faith to engage Gen Y? Wow! That question is rocking my world right now. It sounds to me like a recipe for the most incredible transformation of the church... the next Great Awakening, yes?

And then from Marcia McFee, the coolest stuff ever about music and worship! If I had come just for this seminar, it would have been worth it. Just a few snippets, because it's late and I'm tired:

• One size does not fit all. Use the full repertoire: jazz, traditional hymns (including with new arrangements and even new melodies), bluegrass, old and new contemporary (which really is not an oxymoron), global, Taize, blues, Iona, popular songs...
• Question: Is this the right song for this moment, to evoke the feeling I'm trying to create? It's not just about using the right genre.
• Question: How do we create an environment in which to experience the Holy? ... for this message... for this place... for these people?
• Think like a filmmaker: create a "score" or "soundscape" for our experience of the Holy. Use music for transitions. Let it be the glue for the layers of worship, connecting the verbal, the visual, and the visceral.

Good stuff today! Lots to process! Lots to utilize!